Reborn on the 4th of July 2018 -Celebrating Six Years Alcohol-Free
Six years ago on the 4th of July 2018, I made a life-changing decision to give up alcohol. I now describe it as being Reborn on the Fourth of July - a play on the title of the 1989 Movie ‘Born on the fourth of July’ starring Tom Cruise. And that’s what this whole experience has felt like- a rebirth. A new cycle of my life began, a new era if you will. I’ve stepped into a new expression of myself, an expression of self-love, determination and bravery. It has been exceptionally transformative, filled with moments of self-discovery, growth and a delicious new sense of clarity.
Reflecting on these six years, I've noticed significant internal changes and most specifically how I relate to the world around me. I have learned to love and accept myself and am gradually becoming the version of myself that I always knew I had potential to be. This potential was there all along but was hiding under years of self-loathing and an eroded self of self. Before giving up the booze, I was easily offended and took everything personally. I would mull over innocuous comments or criticisms for days repeating these incidences over and over in my head. I rarely set boundaries and had no strategies to cope with stress. I was passive and often felt powerless and overwhelmed. I was highly indecisive and lacked any real inner trust. As I look back now with 6 years of clarity, it's very easy to see that alcohol had eroded my sense of self, my inner trust and I had very little integrity at the end. Thus began the job of building myself back up again which has been a slow and incremental journey and helped by therapy, different healing modalities and a very robust spiritual practice of meditation and lots and lots of learning.
One of the biggest hurdles I faced was other peoples’ reactions to me giving up alcohol. It was an entirely different landscape 6 years ago and I have to admit that it was hard to navigate. You need to be prepared for it. An insanely large number of people will try and get you to drink again, even strangers. If I had a euro for every person who told me I should resume drinking because ‘I wasn’t that bad’ I’d be a gazillionaire by now! But you have to drown out that noise and concentrate on your goals, your reasons WHY. I was the only one who knew how horrendous alcohol made me feel and I was the only person who could do something about it. Self-awareness is the first step toward change, but like most worthwhile endeavours, it has to be followed by action. Becoming aware of the problems and then deciding to do something about it. And that’s where education comes in. The more information you can gather about alcohol in the form of quitlit and podcasts, the better. You have to dig deep and find the strength to push against the tidal wave of resistance that you will face. (The resistance we face is tragic but is a very real symptom of how alcohol has been glorified and romanticised by our culture over the past 50 odd years).
For years I had stopped drinking and then started again. Cheered on by the many courses of ‘you’re not that bad’ and ‘just stop at three drinks’. Recognising my patterns was a game changer, but taking steps to address them was even more important. I allowed alcohol chance after chance after chance. But it proved itself every time and yet I still forgave it and tried for a different outcome. That’s why assessing your CURRENT relationship with alcohol is probably one of the most important things you will need to do if you are feeling the pull to give up alcohol. I emphasise CURRENT because you need to look at how it's making you feel right here and right now, not the romantic version you had of it 15 years ago when you could lash through any amounts of alcohol and yet still arise unshook and unhungover the next day.
From ages 14 to 37, my relationship with alcohol was sometimes heavy, sometimes moderate and sometimes light. I went through phases of binge drinking and phases of abstinence. I never felt physically dependent but did experience lots of negative consequences. Do I say that I had a problem with drinking? Yes, I do because it caused a lot of problems in my life. Not rock-bottom style problems but problems with low mood, lack of motivation and extreme amounts of guilt, shame and regret. Alcohol really held me back and dampened my potential. I know that now because since giving it up, I have been gifted with a glimpse of this potential and the internal transformation it has produced. All of us have masses of potential hiding beneath the lethargy and apathy that alcohol is reducing us to. Ask anyone who has given up alcohol, they will attest to this. You will never meet anybody who has given up alcohol who regrets it. Why? Because they don’t exist.
One of the greatest insights I have learned is that people operate from the level of awareness or evolution that they are at. It taught me that everyone, including myself, is doing the best they can with the knowledge and tools they possess at that moment in time. Awareness is the first step toward change, followed by action. Recognising my patterns was crucial, but taking steps to address them was even more important. As a result, I learned to cope with stress more effectively, make decisions with greater confidence and through lots of inner work develop a more compassionate relationship with myself.
The clarity that this life brings has meant that I am deeply intentional with my life. I want to make other people feel good in my presence and be a joy to be around. I want to have fun and laugh and discover new parts of myself, my loved ones and the world. I would never have been able to do this stuck in the perpetual mire of self-loathing and regret that alcohol made me exist in. This path of self-discovery and the inner growth it has produced has been nothing short of spectacular.
My life goals are to feel calm, secure, confident, brave and empowered—I want to handle the rough parts I experience with wisdom and grace. Am I there yet? Not at all, but I am getting there and committed to staying the course. Living alcohol free is a superpower, there’s no two ways about it. There has never been a better time to explore your relationship with alcohol. The world is witnessing a tidal wave of sober curiosity and is now more accepting of people who are questioning their relationship with the booze. There are dry bars, non-alcoholic everything’s and more sober motivational accounts on social media than you can shake a stick at!
So, if all this inner growth and transformation can come from giving up alcohol, what’s keeping you from doing it? Why not try it for yourself and discover a whole new way of being!!!
Namastay-off-the-booze,
Olivia x
